We hope that you whinny, sniveling artists will grow some hair, suck it up and quit kidding yourselves, you’re not as important as you think you are, so use this page to send to the  galleries along with your portfolios so they don’t have to lie to you about your work on some form letter. Also who knows they may respond with Items 1a,1b or 1c which let’s face it those are the only responses you really want to hear.
 

Gallery Response Sheet
Please select appropriate responses

__ 1.  __ a.  You are a god!  We are sending the truck immediately!
          __ b.  We can’t wait to represent you!  Your Show date is ____.
          __ c.  We would like to see the work in person . Please make an appointment to do so at your earliest convenience.

__ 2.  This is the best shit we’ve seen since the Venus of Wellingdorf, however, we are not currently accepting new or Neanderthal artists at this time. ( check back with us in ,oh, let’s say 60 million years)

__ 3.  Your work is competent but does not fit our galleries current direction.  We can however suggest a direction for you: PHAR, PHAR     AWAY!

__4. Wow! King Tut would definitely have this stuff in his tomb however, he’s dead and his opinion doesn’t matter.  On the other hand ours’ does!  We wouldn’t be buried with this crap  if you paid us!

__ 5.  Your work reminds us of  _____________ ( fill in blank with famous artist name) but,  they did it waaay  better!

__6. Thank you for sharing your current work with us. At this juncture blah blah blah,blah blah ,blah blah.

__7.__________________ƒ________________________ Conceptual Art galleries repond here only.

__8. We have no context.!

__9. It was a delight to view your work! Is this a joke? We haven’t laughed this hard in ages!

__10. Thank you for sending your current portfolio, we regret to say we have not reviewed it in it’s entirety, because the first two images made us physically ill.  It might be a good idea to include airsickness bags or phenegrin suppositories next time.  Or better yet a sign on the outside stating: NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION!

__11.  Although your work is desirable, it appears to be to very fragile.  We also feel it would clash with one of our other artist’s work. Maybe you’ve heard of him- Dale Chilhully ?

__12.  Oh, that fifties assemblage crap!

__13.  To big!

__14.  You are incredibly versatile.  We have not seen an artist to date, waste so much of their own time , in so many 
           different mediums.

__ 15. Too many dicks.

__16. Not enough dicks.

__17. Huh?

__18. We only represent people of color, gays , lesbians , farm animals toasters and other appliances.  Italians are too white 
     ( in spite of what Hannibal did to their women!)

__19. No way!

__20. Deus de Machine.

 Copyright 1997 DiPasqua Studios