Another Immaculate Rejection

Dear artist:

 Thank for your submission to our gallery.  We always enjoy looking at the art
 of people who are actually still around to make it!  but as you, might know we
 only represent artists that are dead.

 Upon viewing your work however, we feel you have great promise. Let us humbly
 suggest a few options to further your career and to expedite our ability to
 represent you.

 How old did you say you are?

 You really have a number of options at your disposal.

 What is your cholesterol ?

 You could become an alcoholic, speed down an dangerously windy road and slam
 in to a large tree (be a pal and leave your wife or husband at home) or drugs
 are always a nice way to show the world you are a tortured genius who cannot
 cope with reality or rejection.

 But really your best bet, is a small caliber weapon placed  tightly against the
 temple (leaves little mess and skull intact in case some misguided asshole
 wants to exhume your body and fondle your DNA for posterity. Hah! (Where's the
 money in that?)  We emphasize tightly!  (we don't want you to linger for two
 days smoking a pipe like that stupid bastard from Holland ) Be sure and leave
 a note, something about not being able to paint God works nicely.

 Do you smoke?

 This is quick and fairly painless way to insure your place in our posthumously
 famous stable of artists.  We hope that you choose one of our career options
 that appeal to you. We anxiously await your demise.

 Forever yours,

 A. Noth  Erwinbeitsdaduss - Gallery Dirtrector

 P.S.  Before taking action please: 
1. Make sure all your work is signed and dated.
2. Sign and date enclosed power of attorney ( don't worry you family will get over it).
 If there is anything else we can do to push you over the edge please do not hesitate to call!